Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Today, I left work with a bad taste in my mouth

I am working in a position that is significantly under my capabilities as far as education and experience. I am certainly not saying that I could actually DO the job better than most. I actually forget to do a lot of the simple things…like collecting sign-in sheets. There are parts of the job I really dread…like being responsible for the cleaning of the building. However, I spend an awful lot of time observing, thinking about, and dealing with “customer*” behavior. I spend and awful lot of time trying to diffuse toxic interactions and absorbing an incredible amount of individuals’ “ventilation.”
I walked into an agency location that experienced the loss of two popular staff members. In addition, the agencies state funding has changed…forcing the program to change. The staff and the individuals that are served are frankly…stressed. However, today I began to feel the heat.
I spent a lot of time today working behind the scene providing therapeutic support to certain individuals. I have also tried to manage and excel at creating order from a series of contradictory and opposing bits of information. I solve many jigsaw puzzles (with many missing pieces) and then allow others to believe that the solutions were there for all to see.
Today, I had two specific interactions with my boss that made me really unhappy.
I applied for the open site manager position. I not only have a master’s degree relating to the field in which I work, but I have also held management positions at a larger organization with significantly more experience. In other words, I am both over qualified for the job I have, but the job I sought. Anyways, my boss told me I probably NOT get the job because…I am new and still on probation. Okay… I can understand that there may be other individuals at the agency who have “put in their time.” I get it. But seriously….. I can name a few people who I would be more than happy to see in the position. And I would be happy to work for them and with them. I have no idea what will happen. But I fear that it may not go well.
I was also asked to be present for a meeting with a couple of individuals involving troubling behavior. Frankly, I was troubled by the facilitator’s behavior. Thankfully, the facilitator had a relationship with the individuals…but fucking Christ…. I don’t appreciate being associated with this shit. I felt like I had to continually redirect the conversation for the safety of all present. I realize that many self-help and peer organizations have “issues” with clinical interventions. But fuck, I am a professional and a peer. Believe it or not there is a skill set I have gained from a master’s in social work. … I guess what I am saying…. Is that this job, as in stands, may not be a good fit for me.
However, I do not have the energy to look elsewhere...and well……I got my own issues….


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