Thursday, November 15, 2007

Wrong drug, wrong dose, wrong route, wrong person?

It is the end of my first semester in social work grad school.
I am taking four classes, and a 16 hour a week field placement
Of which I am 40 something odd hours behind.
I started a month late, and I have caught up 20 hrs
But the extra day at my internship is killing me
So I will take an incomplete for the semester.

My first placement did not want me
They deemed me “too sick”
I was hospitalized, a mental health inpatient
A few weeks before school started
My private psychiatrist dismissed/discharged me
Because she thought I was too sick
She wanted me to have an intensive case manager
And I was sent to the clinic….

The clinic…that my grad school paperwork said….
That I was to internship at…
So this clinic was given all of my info
But I canceled my appointment

Anyways, I had my interview
I was told the placement was “competitive”
I was hung on the line to dry for weeks
And then, over the phone
He asked if I ever made an appointment with the agency
I said yes…
“Sorry, I cannot offer you a placement”
At this point I got him to admit it was because of my medical record
I asked him what he told my school…
At this point I reminded him on the finer points of HIPAA

So now…I am interning at a fine institution
(and my doctor let me back into her practice)
A recovery focused out patient treatment center
For MICA and PTSD clients
Mostly a group focused interventions
However, it is mainly an outpatient DAY treatment Center
A partial hospitalization for the severely mentally ill

A few months ago
It was suggested to me
That I should go into day treatment
Instead of grad school
Did I make the right choice?

I have been doing well
Getting good grades
Meeting new people
Doing well at the internship
Until now….

I am overwhelmed
I have panic attacks
I think everyone hates me
My grades suck
And I am now emotionally fragile

I have an unbelievable amount of school work
(My sane classmates are going crazy)
I have started to flake out (forget to do school work)
And I am starting to feel self-destructive

Yesterday, I hid in my intern office for a while
I’ve had two patients decide they liked me
Kidnap me and lock-me-in-a-box kind of like me
From someone who has a criminal record of such

So I am thinking….
I might actually suck as an MSW
I cannot concentrate
I either sleep too much, or not enough
I feel out of control

I am feeling too sick to do this


Blogger FooFoo5 said...

For my first field placement (which was an assignment and not a choice), they sent to interview at the local Marine base brig (80% drug addicts & 20% child sexual predators). I told my MSW program that I was attempting to stay away from prisons, but they were not interested. So, I went to the interview, didn't tell them I was a 2nd Yr. Resident in Psychiatry & recovering from chemotherapy, just basically told them I wasn't enthused at the prospect, but if I had no choice... Not only did they reject me, but they dogged me to the MSW program; telling them I had a "bad attitude," did not act like "professional," and even took issue with how I was dressed! The MSW program then felt compelled to jump on the "dogwagon" and threatened not to offer me another placement, meaning I would be a year behind my class. I remembered that the reason I applied in the 1st place was to enjoy myself and the intellectual stimulation, so I chilled.

I'm thinking the only people who actually suck as MSW interns are those who think they actually know what they're doing. MSW programs are very selective (most receive 2-3 times more applications than they can accept), and they wouldn't have accepted you if they didn't believe you could make it. The first semester is the worst! Deep breaths!

2:02 AM  
Blogger Ladyk73 said...

Did the social work school know you already worked in a prison? Dumb asses...
They must of known you were a doctor?????

You are such an intersting character...
Thank you for commenting on my blog!

9:59 PM  

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