Random thoughts

Well...
I only wrote 5 pages on a 10 page paper. I actually hate it when someone gives me an assignment that gives a page limit or requirement. Tell me what you want to research/analysis/review/create...and let me do it as I see fit.

I just got to the point of funk writing the paper. It was one of those things that made me question why the hell I am going to grad school. Especially in a field that I may not be any good at.

Today my group video taped each other pretending to be therapists. It was an assessment on whether we can utilize those basic skills like engagement, body language, open questions, etc...
And then we have to watch it, an write a paper on what we did right, and what we did wrong. I think I sucked. Well I had two or two really good moments, and three pretty bad.

But the hardest thing of all...was to see, really see, how freaking fat I have become. Of course I am eating while writing this. An apple (good) with a bit of Carmel dip (bad). I am a walking psychotrophic pharmacy and I take significant doses of drugs that make people fat. However, it is still maladaptive of me to not intervene on my cravings. And...I seriously have been binging on junk food. Stress, craziness, drugs, weakness, laziness. Either way, it sucked to see myself.

I have been having the most stressful time with school and work. I might have to quit my job....my per Diem job. It seems my boss doesn't remember that I took the job to cover summers and holidays. I have a four shift tomorrow, and I work 2 shifts over thanksgiving. It seems like I am a big whiner. But last week I interned 3.5 days, and had four 3.5 hr classes. I also worked plus worked a 4 hour shift. So basically, I was committed for 6 days at the tune of 48 hours. Plus writing a 10 page (sorry... 5 page), a lab, 2 quizzes...Yeah....on my god.

So...today I ran from class, to the video taping to doing my lab, late for class, and reviewing the tape for a write up. I had plans to write this paper up tonight...But instead...well....I am going to bed. This sort of life is exhausting, and it seems it will continue for the next few weeks.

I stupidly agreed to work two shifts over thanksgiving break....which is not a break because I will be working two days at my internship. One of those shifts is an overnight. I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow and ask her if she can get someone else to cover it.

This really sucks. I wish I had a backbone. I am really thinking of quitting my job. Maybe I need to talk to my boss.

I should go and sleep on it.