Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Why am I doing this?

I am exhausted. I am currently typing on government property, the half dying computer in the intern office. After reading the little font on an academic article I decided I had enough. I am having the most self confused weeks. I just could not get it together. And in some way, I am really annoyed of the expectations other people have on me. Today I was at my internship and I wandered into the break room and sat down to read an internship related academic article. My field educator, “boss”, walked in and asked me if I had done any therapeutic work today. It was said in a way that implied that I was sitting on my ass all day. I just stated that I had just sat down a moment ago, as the dayroom emptied. I am kind of annoyed. I just sat in a room with about 30 seriously mentally ill veterans. Most of the men and woman are doing very well. However, there were about 5 floridly psychotic or manic men in the room. Well most of the people in the room are officially psychotic, but are functional. But 5 guys who could have easily been admitted in a psy ward in a second.

So I had three potentially dangerous men, I was the only one supervising them. Okay, not supervising, but observing.

Anyways, a minute after I typed the last paragraph my “boss” came in and told me that I needed to start documenting therapeutic interactions. Okay, I have had conversations where people have talked to me about weather; I don’t need to fucking document it. I I have documented all sorts of fun stuff (like someone admitting to me that they were doing heroin),

The thing is, nothing really happened lately that needed documentation. Unlike some of the staff, I actually read the prior notes to see if some random tid-bit was already recorded (like the delusion of the day). I don’t know…My notes have meat to them. If someone is in a group, even if they said nothing, they will get a big beefy note from me. It is the informal stuff.

I worked in places that I had to tract behavior, little insignificant stuff, which is significant for the person. If I needed to keep tract of how many times someone picked their nose, I would. If there was a prescribed intervention for the nose picking, I would do it.

It just pissed me off a little because I told my “boss” that someone was acting a little bit manic, is that normal for them…yadda yadda. And then he has this conversation with me.

I am in my first year of social work school and I am running groups. My 1st year peers are playing board games with children. (My field educator, my boss, has typically had second year students.)

There is a part of me that just wants to forget everything, forget trying.

Part of the reason I feel burned by this situation, is that I have a mental illness as severe (if not worse) that many of my “clients.”
To me, it seems like a recipe for failure. I guess I am just a bit hurt. And very defeated.


Anonymous social worker said...

even if you have a conversation with not a lot of substance with a client, can you document things like mood, affect, behavior?

9:34 AM  

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