Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A new path


Sadness can still be found at the edges
Even if you find yourself laughing, hysterically at comedic websites
I am procrastinating, once again, at the idea of beginning my job search, at updating my resume, at calling the temping service.
Not having a job or academic demands for almost two months have left me unsettled, anxious, self-conscious,…of my return to the work world.
I am not sure if I have the energy for responsibility at the moment.
I have trained as a masters-leveled social work, but I find myself have little emotional energy to attend to other people’s trials, disappointments and heartbreak.
I find myself critical of other’s emotional investments in the superficial, while hypocritically spending a whole afternoon playing videogames.
One of the most challenging facts I have to face is the bitter taste I experience when I realize I spent so much time and investment into going to school, when I could have spent more time and energy on my mother.
I knew my mother was sick, instinctively, but I had no idea time was measured in days instead of months.
Grief is not a backpack one should wear when beginning a new career

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had not read your blog in a long while and today I caught up and I cried. I am so sorry for your loss LadyK. I know the future holds wonderful things for you. I hope they come soon.

~curious

9:10 PM  

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