Monday, December 17, 2007

Damn....


I think I hurt my arm a wee little shoveling. My fingers have resumed there stuck-id-ness. Damn ...ouch..ouch. I also have the most annoying icky cut on my other hand from cutting myself with a very sharp knife.

My field educator laughed at me while I spilled my coffee, while on a quest to clean spilled coffee...so my little drip became a pond in the middle of the table. I have a spot on my shirt from some sort of meal. Yeah...I am a total klutz.

I sat on a group today at my work. Kind of co-ran it. I basically had some PTSD symptoms myself. There is a guy who has some similar issues and symptoms as myself, so when he talks it hits a big nerve with me. He is such a kind man. I told him after the group that there was some evidence that you can get PTSD over being suicidal. He was triggered by a box cutter.....funny....I was triggered by him talking about it. I told him about the PTSD cause it made sense to me, not because it was about me. I told him it was an idea, a way of thinking about things. He told me it seemed to make some sense...I wished him a good day.

I am the "therapist," I cannot believe it. I kind of feel like a fraud...a peer concealed as an intern.

I over shared again today with my field educator and other intern, while processing some stuff. Someday I am going to blurt out that my G.A.F. score or something...so maybe my Field educator figures out why I am a little space cadet sometimes.

T%hey talk about vicarious traumatization in social work school. I am not sure that is it...maybe? But I certainly had my own trauma issues to deal with today.

I still haven't figure out what my momentary feelings of dread may be. Anxiety perhaps. What if I was having a seizure or something? They really suck, and honestly can really make me crazier. I just wished I knew what they were. Dissociation? Panic? Psychosis? glimpses of hell?

Yeah, I know.... I think I have been getting a little depressed again.

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