Thursday, March 27, 2008


I am at the library at school THINKING about doing the paper that was due yesterday. I am exhausted, bone tired exhausted. I am dealing with increased symtomology from the not-so-manic-but-always-depressed syndrome. Oh, that would be bipolar II disorder. I have been having intrusive, exhausting negative and depressingly suicidal-ish thoughts. I am under the care of professionals, and we are currently trying to keep me out of the hospital, and stay an engaged member of society. I guess I am getting somewhat better from my anxiety-chattering immobility to living on the sober cloud of exhausting -I want to sleep forever.

I don't really want to sleep forever, and that is why I am sitting at my laptop in the way to f**cking quiet library trying to focus enough to GET WORDS TYPED into an APA formatted academic hurdle. I so want to drop out at this very minute, and sleep sleep sleep.

I had a meeting with the disability office and I am going through special disability counseling on how to stay focused when you are worried that you are going to finally become psychotic and start to see fairies flying in the fields.

Seriously, I have the "title page" completed and I figured I would start with a ditty about what a "GOAL" should be. Sounds damn well ironic to be LATE handing in a paper that has to do with GOALS! LOL

I do not want to be here right now, I really feel like sleeping for days. Maybe I had a manic-mixed state and now I am crashing. Who knows. I am crazy, and it sucks.



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