Have you ever felt....
Like maybe you do things that you don't remember, or live a double life that even is hidden from yourself. Dissociation Disorders. While crazier than a loon (not really) in a mental ward, I was giving a crazy diagnosis. One in which given to me by a fool. The doctor who thought that praying to Jesus would have saved all on the unit. With blatant disregard for others rights, when one has so little power. The abuse of power. He was too blinded by his own religious zeal, he had no idea that he hurt so many. He meant well, he really did think he was doing God's work. Except, he wasn't.
So the feelings of crazy.
My dreams are vivid. I dream a lifetime in an evening. The meds. The crazy meds.
I sometimes forget words, and have trouble concentrating at times. Sometimes, I get so distracted I stop talking in mid sentence. I am sometimes in such a blur (concentrating on a task), I wonder if I had conversations in which I was not present to. Anxiety perhaps.
But the fear of having multiple personalities? Is that a new illness? I don't think I am...but when people look at me weird, or if I stumble over words, or if I have weird thoughts....I think I may be more crazy than I know I am.
At my new temp job...I think people may think I am crazy. Am I? or just delusionally anxious?
I don't know.
posted by Ladyk73 at 9:00 PM
4 Comments:
Yo, K, you been listening to Joe Cocker, or what? "Seems I got to have a change of scene; every night I'm having the strangest dreams..." And I'm not feeling too good myself! What you need are COMMENTS.
Hi there foofoo! I am so happy...you are alive (okay..sometimes you hardly post and I get nervous).
How are you feeling? Are your heeled from your tumble?
See... I fell down the stairs holding a box of angels. The guys at the ER found that funny..
I sometimes forget words, and have trouble concentrating at times. Sometimes, I get so distracted I stop talking in mid sentence. I am sometimes in such a blur (concentrating on a task), I wonder if I had conversations in which I was not present to. Anxiety perhaps.
I have all those symptoms and then some. Mine are all after-effects of the viral encephalitis I had some 15+ years ago. The symptoms get a little bit better as time passes, but still.
I hated it when they were fresh and most obvious, right after the illness. Cause people did think I was nuts. I would stop mid-sentence and not be able to get the next word out, no matter how hard I tried. Or the entire thought would be completely gone and I'd have no idea where I was headed.
And recently (like a year and a half ago) I had those two blackout moments that brought me to a neurologist for the MRI (the one I got the blood clot from) and EEG. Since everything is ok physically, they've declared those two blackouts to be 'dissociative episodes.' Just great.
Anyway, since then, when I speak publicly (including class lectures), I have every single word written out in advance just in case I lose it midstream.
All this is just my long-winded way of saying that I don't think you're crazy at all.
Thank you Ms. Spring, but indeed I am crazy, just a bit. It is hard to deny the bipolar label...
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