Friday, August 03, 2007

You know you have anxiety…..

When after a dose of klonopin you are still bugged eye awake.
I have not had the best day.

After being written up yesterday…
I had a heavy heart
I hate negative feedback
I am a wimp with it
But EVEN constructive negative criticism
Is hard to swallow
When nothing positive is expressed
After working swing and double shifts
And dealing with multiple work sites
With many ways of doing things
I was completely drained
And angry as hell

After my “verbal” warning
In which no one actually talked to me
And on a document that I needed to returned signed
And magically my name is no where to be found
On the schedule
It is just a job
But after this year of hell

I had to face a lot of failures
This one hurts just as bad.

I flunked out of pharmacy school
With only three semesters to go
Seven days before I was to be a commissioned in the Army
I was deemed five pounds too fat
The last job I was nearly fired
But that was just stigma of the mentally ill

I am (was?) a residential aide
Similar to a nurse’s aide
I had to go through some training
But this is the type of position
That agencies struggle to staff
For wages that reach poverty guidelines.

I am starting full time grad school for social work in three weeks!
And I have just been written up because my actions
Could be deemed abusive
If I fucked up this bad….

Maybe I should be locked up
Arrested
Made to stay away from children and the elderly
With my picture on the internet

Maybe I am completely psychotic
And not worth the air I breathe

I guess I should call my therapist

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