Saturday, November 24, 2007

My CAPO don't work....

I was living large in my vessel on the river of denial..
I must have forgot that this holiday weekend was not a weekend of rest
I think I would have been locked with the inpatient ward
If I worked this weekend, I slept and slept (and ate) and did laundry
Did I tell you I did laundry? I am still doing laundry...

I was ladda-ladda-ladda this morning antiquing with my friend
And I thought how pretty everything was
It was snowing...and the snow that landed on my shirt...


"Yeah...duh" you say. When it snows, it usually looks like little balls or dust. But the snow that landed on me...looked like 6 sided snowflakes.

So back to my ladda ladda ladda...
Pretty snow
Pretty Barn (antique store)
Pretty x-mas light...

Ladda ladda ladda...
"I know...I'll put my x-mas decorations up!!!"
Ladda ladda laddddddddddddd............
Oh shit.
I have a paper
Not on my calendar
cause it is a motherf**king REWRITE!!!!

I posted about the underwritten paper
That I nearly sliced my wrists....I mean my forearms

*cough* BPD (301.83) diagnosis slipped out

Yeah..that one.
I suck

There is a part of me that just wants to flunk out
I am so sick of the overwhelming amount of work
To get a degree that no one really respects anyways
To make sh*t money
To have loans of the butt
To be an overworked, underpaid social worker
I suck

I cannot breath
I have been having asthma attacks
I have been hitting the albuteral hard
SOB walking up stairs
Cold air hurts
My lungs hurt
And then they will slowly get better
I have been worried about getting a nasty attack

I was just playing my guitar
My dusty guitar
I played a few songs
(I haven't played in months....I mean months)
My fingers hurt
I sang a bit
Okay...I am not a good singer
I am not a very good guitarist
I can do both together okay
(So it is a package deal)

Now my lungs hurt

I need to call my allergist on Monday
I need drugs! Predisone baby! nice day
has turned into dreaded paper anxiety
I hate people who like writing papers

Oh...I can always do my exam.

I need to go through my shopping bags
I went x-mas shopping on "black Friday"
My eyes were bigger than my wallet
I must return....



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