Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Is this High School?


As a first year graduate student in social work...
I feel like I am in High School.

Earlier today I was a very pissed off woman

Anger
Anger

I hate groups sometimes....
Today I was raked over the coals by my group
First there was an e-mail incident
Involving the fucked up student e-mail system

How many times does it take to forward an e-mail?
Three-Four? And then you kick the computer and send it as an attachment

But that is okay...

Just make me the class idiot...kick me too, okay?

Oh....and thank you group members for letting me out on a limb....
Our group research will take like 100 hours (compared to the other class groups, which is like 10 hours) I shit you not.


My group members were bitching an fucking whining. They wanted the agency people to do it. Me and another group member said we will do it. So In class today...in front of the IRB guy, we asked if we can get assistance from the agency (which we can't). The IRB guy (in front of 100 people) asked my why "we wouldn't want to do everything ourselves" and I said it was alot work compared to other groups and honestly, as a purely academic function (as this was assigned to us), it was disheartening to be graded compared to other groups....

*gosh* gee whiz, 100 FUCKING HOURS!!!!!!!

You know, when you are taking 16 graduate credit hours, plus a 15 hour a week internship (plus work for many-which I tried to do...but I am crazy so...)

Gasp!
How could I?

Yeah.....so my motherfucking group member bitched and moaned about this. So what does she say? "I am looking forward to it...it will be great!" to the prof and IRB person.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Can you rake me over the coals? Am I your sacrificial lamb? Are you that much of a fucking bitch?

OH...maybe It is just me

It always goes back to me.
I just don't fit in with the 24 years old, skinny, hardly employed, quiet, perfectly shy, popularity peeppy gogogo girl

I don't fit in with this school
I don't fit in with these students
I don't fit in with their attitude
I don't fit in with this field.

I am too opinionated, too unpopular, too fat, too psychotic, too uncomfortable.

I really really really hate this. Another class requires us to self select groups for the year. I asked two people, who already found groups. I told the prof that I am sure I am not the only one, and perhaps she (as the prof) could make an inquiry via e-mail. I think she asked me if I could ask my "friends" when I see them in another class. I emphasized to her that I indeed did not know everyone in the class. (maybe I should of said I didn't join the social work sorority). So...I (and three others) were required to broadcast an e-mail that stated how much of a loser I was for not being selected in a group yet. Maybe, the four of us will become a group, maybe not.

Yes...

So I am in elementary school again, the last to picked for the team.

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