Wednesday, May 31, 2006


Fuck him
Fuck double standards
Fuck being nice
Fuck being the sweet girl
Fuck, go to hell
Fuck me, no more
Fuck off
Fucking asshole
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck
Fuck no one, no more

I am done!

My cunt is closed for business
My heart is under lock and key
All those Men can go fuck off
Because no longer will they fuck me!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


I just cannot believe the guy did not call...

Three dates...
He was into me...

Then *poof*
He is gone.

It hurts.

Rejection sucks

What does it get me?

To be the sweet girl....

What does it get me?

To always be nice....

What does it get me?

To have empathy...

What does it get me?

Walked on
Dumped on

Maybe life were easier...if I was a fucking bitch

I look like.....

A freaking poodle....

I had my hair done today....


Why is it.....

That the more active I am...

The fatter I look?

Friday, May 26, 2006

I feel lost….

Between two worlds…

The vanilla…and the bdsm.

My fantasies, my desires, my imagination
Keeps this world of BDSM :

The craving for subspace…
The craving for ropes…
The craving for sensual pain…
A constant.

But what I really need….
Is love…
Vanilla Love.


Those in the vanilla world…
Think that because I am submissive,
That I am to be a degraded slut.

And here…

I too wimpy…
Never to be a painslut.

I am caught…between two worlds.

And it saddens me.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I am....

a slave to my passion
Committed to my erotic lust
My appetite unsatiated
My heart taken at every thrust

I want to be kissed
Ravished, beaten, and bound
And enclosed in an embrace
So my fears cannot be found

I want my soul to entangle
My voice to cry out a moan
But I guess all that I have
Is my heart expressed in a poem


I just tripped off the tract
Blinded by the fall
I called out for help
As the cliff was tall
I asked where I should go
As I could not see a net
Many directions were offered
To face the challenges I met
I turned myself around
The rocks unsteady underneath
How could I be wrong?
I muttered through my teeth

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

What else is bothering me?

Small things that add up…

Feeling pain
Feeling guilt
Feeling shame
Feeling lost
Feeling uncertain
Feeling sad
Feeling forgotten
Feeling alone
Feeling used
Feeling manipulated
Feeling blown off
Feeling empty
Feeling put down
Feeling pressured
Feeling annoyed
Feeling worn
Feeling irritated
Feeling hurt
Feeling small

I feel deflated….

I am exhausted
And I feel sadness…

I felt very alone last night
And scared.
The creep flashed me around the corner from my house.

Even…for a moment
I felt unsafe
My security was shattered.
It was the violence in his eyes.
And to see that violence was so close to me

And for a moment
I felt insecure in my house
And for a moment
I felt alone in the world
And lonely

I wish I had some pepper spray.

Monday, May 22, 2006

It was the violent look in his eyes….

I was almost home
A man was walking past

It was clear he had something to show me
Between his legs

I was flashed…
for the first time in my life.

I could care less about his nakedness

It was his eyes…his eyes that stared into me

Enjoying his torment of me
Because I look like a sweet girl
His raping me with my eyes

I walked fast…
I turned around to make sure he didn’t follow.

It was a moment of fear
A moment of fear
Of thinking the worse…

It was the violent look in his eye…
That made me call the police

Is there something in the air?

I have a headache, my body hurts…and I am moody.

Just seems like there is a sad ribbon wrapping around the world today.

A friend got in a horrible accident yesterday.

I read some sad blogs.

I left two messages for friends…not yet returned.

Oh….and I am wondering if HE will call me…

It must be the gray outside.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Is it.....

The weather?

I just feel sad...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

In his eyes….

I see passion
In his hands…
I feel strength
In his heart…
I see honor
In his embrace…
I find comfort
In his friendship…
I feel happiness

Monday, May 15, 2006

I have a vice…



I bought more flowers
For my plantasia

So I was a naughty school girl.

We rented a bus
Full of ladies
In ridicules short skirts
Piggy Tails
And Cleavage

A motley crew
Of girls
Jell-O shots
Naughty props
And a pillow penis for the bride-to-be


I am a bitch.....

I just dumped a boy by e-mail. I hate this. The boy who I Topped. I tried over and over to gently let him go. To gently break it off with him. And he kept calling, and his messages started to scare me.

After my third “date” with him. Something did not feel right to me. And I realized I just wasn’t feeling it. But I also realized that I wasn’t feeling it…because maybe my subconscious saw the red flags…

His obsessiveness with me even before I met him.
His possessiveness after only two “dates”
His attitude about wanting what he wanted…without any regard to me

So, after an e-mail that screamed “I need closure,” I e-mailed a response.

I feel like a bitch


It was only three “dates”

And I guess this makes me a lousy Top (which I never claimed to be anyways)

Friday, May 12, 2006


Do I suddenly crave...




I want...

to be loved
For my passion
To be owned
Without possession
To let go
But be safe

Uncaged passion

I feel as if my body
Is making love to life itself
I want to kiss soft lips
And lick sweet spots

I want to loose my soul
And become entwined
And get lost with another
And find myself breathless

I have uncaged passion
To be gently reined in
I want my heart to be taken
But to always be set free

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I lied today to someone....

That felt icky...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


My vacation has come to an end....

I don't wanna work tomorrow!

I love gardening...

But I hate mowing the lawn...

It was really nice,
that my Dad fertilized my lawn...


Now I have to mow it again!!!!


I have bruises

Up and down my thigh…
My tummy…
My legs…
It was from my manly…burly…

(and the lawn mower…and the brick I fell on)


I have bruises on my body
That look like I was having
Some kinky fun…

Nope…They are from gardening..


Thursday, May 04, 2006

I am Flying

................. I am beauty
I drank the sweet nectar of fruits
I have spread my wings
I have bloomed from my roots

Some try to pick my flowers
So the inside of me dies
Some try to cage me
So I can no longer fly

I feel comfort in cages
If they protect me from beasts
But only if there is sunshine
So in it ………I can feast

My flora is blooming
Some seed will fertilize
And I hope for a lover
Who will show me the sky

I saw.....


I think

In a park on my way to work

It amazes me…how spring brings
Such pretty blooms


How nature is awakening
From a long and restful sleep

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Love without boundaries

Can I give
Without taking
Can I love
Without hate
Can I laugh
Without tears
Can I color
Without boundaries
Can I be happy
Without hurt
Can I dance
Without music
Can I fly
Without wings?


Spinning and spinning
I spin myself around
I knit a force field
So I cannot be found

Circling and circling
I circle my thoughts
I hold on to hope
Your impressions I fought

Around and Around
I hide in my cocoon
In my own little world
From that I am immune

Breaking and Breaking
I break from my shell
My wings are extended
And my heart will excel

I will Bloom

I will bloom like the blossoms on trees
I will to fly on butterfly wings
I will sing with melodic grace
I will dance naked in the moon

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