Breathing on a monday

Having an asthma issue on a Monday can kind of suck. I thought I was getting better, than I got worse, than better. The albuterol was not working as nice as I hoped.

After a call to my primary doctor (tell me again why I have an allergist who I never see, and cannot get a hold of when I cannot breath?), I headed to a 'urgent care" place. I got a breathing treatment, a shot in my butt (ouch!!!!) and a Rx for one of those steroid packs.

It is getting harder for me to determine when my asthma is bad. My biggest symptom is my lungs feeling so sore, and I am getting tired breathing.

Anyways. Asthma sucks. I am going to get pissed when they outlaw albuterol inhalers. My brother gave me a hit of the new inhalers. They suck. They just suck.

My lungs hurt

My lungs seriously hurt. I have no idea why they hurt THIS bad.

Today I went orienteering with my friend Lana. We had fun wandering in the woods. We had a geographically map, so although it felt like we were in the middle of no where, we were not lost.

There was a bit of a climb up a hill that I had trouble with. Just with the lungs. I went over my friends house. She smokes, and it usually doesn't bother me (she smokes outside) but the air was so thick, it seemed to go right to my lungs.

It is so humid here. It rained so hard the streets flooded and stranded cars for...about 15 min. And then the drainage and sewer lines had time to catch up.

Lana and I were on the other side of the county, or are hike could of been dangerous. There were alot of interment streams and the terrain we were walking in could of turned into a river before we had time to head to higher land. It was a freaky unusual fast and hard rain.

I am so tired. However, I am waiting for my sheets to dry. I figured it was good to wash them as I am having the trouble breathing. I am really allergic to dust.

Lonely this time of night...

It is late on Saturday. My normal routine has been shaken. My beloved and dear "breakfast club" was canceled this morning. A group of friends who keep in touch every Saturday. Some weeks there are three of us, some weeks 10. Today only two of us. Actually the two people the club was founded upon. Me and my ex-boyfriend. We sat outside and talked. His son was in town, so we parted ways so he can go meet with him.

I worked in my garden. I blended the compost (with the rotertiller) and made a new flower bed. I planted the end of year sales.

I went to both Lowes and Home depot looking for edging stuff. I got rubber stuff to go under neath my brick border. I can arrange it so I can mow without having to weedwack it. Cool. I bought a blueberry. I planted a blueberry earlier this year, and you need two to crossbreed to make berries. Gosh, I hope they are different enough to make yummies next year. I also bought two roses and a Butterfly bush for $3 each. I am not a huge rose fan, but I thought they would look nice and...um....keep people from cutting through my yard. I can be so evil. I love roses, but I just cannot stand the work involved with them. I am not really sure how to keep roses happy all of the time. I have a huge old fashioned rose that came with the house. I does not like this wet summer. I got the knockout roses cause I heard they were easy.
Home depot had daylillies on sale. I think I am going to go back at get some, and also some mums to put in my new flower bed. My mums from last year and prior a just starting to bloom.

I watched a bunch of videos on the NBC Olympic page. I have been not keeping up with the Olympics. Some stuff is pretty boring to me. But I wanted to see the diving, some gymnastics, and swimming. They are almost over! Gee

I am just feeling kind of blue and out of sorts. hm... School starts soon. Hm... I think I am a little lonely right now.

Yuck!

I am having flashbacks to the trauma from this morning.

I had a barium upper GI. I was afraid of the chalk. I was even scolded by the Doctor. For swallowing air with the shake. And Not! swallowing enough of it. So then I took a big gulp and nearly gagged on her. Okay, not really, not on her anyways. The radiologist actually did the swallowing part.

Apparently, my stomach was not "responding" enough. So they kept asking me what my favorite food and keep talking about Mexican food...while I wanted to vomit. So they wanted me to think about food. So instead of Mexican (hello!!!) I thought about ice cream, and strawberry daiquiris.

They tech was awesome. except the Mexican food stuff. I didn't have to do a "small bowel follow through." So I got to go home....accept I had to drink another half of cup for the last picture.

I did see my insides on the screen. The couple of pictures in which I had to be on my belly. It was weird seeing this perfect valve between my stomach and my esophagus... It did seem to be very "open" however.

The worst was having Ice cream after the test and having.....a repeat...oh never mind. I kept smelling the stuff everywhere. Maybe I got some stuck in my hair.

Anyways. I still feel all crampy in places that I have not felt crampy before.

Okay, maybe I am not such a twit

Tomorrow I am having an upper GI done. I have had on an off pain for a couple of weeks now. Something doesn't seem right. I actually went to a random physical and my doctor was concerned. Just because I have been unable to swallow very well.

Well, my belly hurts in a weird way. At first I thought it was cramps, a UTI...now I am not so sure.

I am such a twit....

I am such an anxiety freak. Okay, I woke up with a huge headache and neck-ache.
I went to work. I felt like crap. I felt like I was getting the flu or something. I nearly feel asleep in mid-calculation.

My brain: Oh my god my neck hurts and I feel feverish...I HAVE meningitis!!!!! AWWWWW

So my anxiety attack begins.
My tongue went numb, My eyes got all blurry, I was forgetting to breath!!!
I am going to die!

Yeah. So the rational part of my brain said that I am,indeed, coming down with something. However, if I managed to be able to mow my lawn....I am sure I am not going to die!!!!!

I am such a dork.

This is gross!

I love chet!

New computer!

I have a new computer!!!!!! YEAH!!! My motherboard got...um bored? My mother board caught a fatal illness. The reduce immunity causes a bad virus and parasitic worms.
I will miss the super fun red lights. My "box" was so cool. My dad made my last computer (He is retired, and this is a hobby for him). I bought a groovy transparent box that had LED lights. My computer was "punked' out. Now I have a basic box (but black!!!). The computer was $250. How freaking cheap! It is a compaq/HP model. Very basic. My dad bought me a Norton 360 antivirus. And because I am a student, I was able to get Microsoft office for $10.

Anyways, I am slowly adding all of my favorites to my internet. I know that I could just copy these things from my laptop, but I got some junk on their. Soon, I will have some pictures!

Oh yeah...they finally like me...

After all is said and done. The law firm managing partner likes me. Can you believe it?

Anyways, when I began as a temp, everyone knew I was a student. As the beginning of the semester approaches, the denial begins.

I agreed to work part time at the law firm until the bookkeeper comes back. She is suppose to return in September. My school starts in late August. I told the office manager that because many of my classes were at night, I can work for a couple days a week (for a few weeks). So I was explaining my schedule and I have a class at 9am-12pm, and one on the same day from 6pm-9Pm. So can I work then?

Um, full time GRAD SCHOOL!!!!!

Anyways, I do want to work for a few weeks into the semester, But I am not thinking working is really going to be possible once the term papers come due.

Let the anxiety begin

I now have an internship!!!!!

After doing my first year internship in behavior health at the VA (at the partial hospitalization/ day treatment center), running MICA groups, volunteering at the state psy hospital, working as an aide with the developmentally disabled, and (gasp) working as a substitute teacher in one of the most challenging high schools in all of New York State....I figured I had to get creative for my upcoming internship. The one thing about social work that I have not done, is case work. I have done intakes and treatment planning, but never discharge planning.

I have interviewed and been accepted an internship at the acute rehab wing at the local county hospital.

My friend, who is a social worker at nursing home thought I would be bored to tears dealing with the "hips and knees." I gently reminded her that I would be working at the acute rehab at the local level one trauma center!

It will actually be really challenging work. Actually, most of the discharge planners are rn's, ot's, etc... I will work under the only MSW (who is a LCSW, by the way).

I am excited, but really nervous. After my field educator found out that I ran therapy groups at the VA, he thought I should run a group on the floor. Wow! Yikes!

Anyways, a small tour of the department revealed what I expected. Spinal cord injuries serious TBM, Multiple fractures. A new a scary life for many patients.

I have much medical reading to do on these kinds of injuries. Then a literature review on psycho-social aspects of this kind of recovering.

I am not ready....

I am not ready to leave my parent's nest. Of course I live in my own house, and take my parent's advice with a grain of salt. (what does that really mean...grain of salt?)

Anyways, my mother needs to see a doctor. I have been begging her....for a year. My mother is embarrassed to go, I think, because she drinks and she smokes. She has tried to quit smoking, but not successfully. But, she should just go to the doctor.
My mother likes to drink wine, obsessively. Yes, she is an alcoholic. Like many woman, her addiction may be not seen as severe because she drinks at home, and does not cause "trouble." She drinks maybe a bottle of wine a day, 4 drinks?
Or is it more?

My mother has lost a TON of weight in the last year. Is it "unexplained weight loss?" I don't know. She drinks more and eats less. She has been drinking more, because her back hurts. My mother has a hard time walking now.

Just three years ago, my mom was helping me paint my house. Now she needs to rest after going grocery shopping. But the worst thing...

She seems to have a grey cast. I see this color on her, when she is drunk. For some reason she seems more healthy in the morning. I don't know.

I have suggested that she see my doctor, as her doctor is kind of mean. He is the perfect doctor for my dad, but not my mom. My parents and I see doctors from the same practice. So I have seen there doctor once when I was sick. He can be overbearing.

My Doctor has the greatest bed side manner. I have actually gotten two of my friends to go to him. The other day I think I was closer to getting my mother to go. She said she was scared of being forced to get certain tests. I told her that it was her body, and my doc is great about that.

I hope she goes. I am really worried. I can name the things I worry about, but I just don't want to say them out loud. The things that may be linked to her bad choices.

I am not ready to be the caretaker. I have already had a taste of that once, when my Dad got really sick. He is doing better, His diabetes is getting worse, but he has already been threatened with the needles. So he cleaned the kitchen of cake and cookies.

I am just worried. I don't want to worry about them yet. They are just 65....